Breaking News – The Sacramento Kings:
In a surprise announcement, the NBA has revealed that the Sacramento Kings will be moving to Pyongyang, North Korea.
Earlier in the year, Dennis Rodman visited the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un in the hermit kingdom. Those in the west were initially puzzled by Rodman’s trip, the purpose of which has now been acknowledged to conduct secret negotiations regarding the sale of the Kings.
Secretary of State John Kerry likened Rodman’s North Korean mission to Henry Kissinger’s clandestine talks with Beijing in the 1970s which paved the way for President Richard Nixon to visit China and meet with Chairman Mao.
Questions immediately arose about North Korea’s menacing nuclear threats. Dennis Rodman noted that Kim Jong-un likes to have “a bit of fun,” and is really “a great guy to hang out with.” Others suggest that the perceived threats by the west are merely the result of cultural misunderstandings.
“We know how you Americans like your wars,” stated an anonymous source from the Korean Social Democratic Party.
As to the purchase price, sources within the City of Sacramento remain tight lipped. It is well known that North Korea is short of hard currency. But a spokesperson for the North Korean Government stated that Pyongyang has reached an understanding with Sacramento that will allow the Capitol of California to keep the proceeds from parking concessions in Pyongyang over the next ten years. Analysts have estimated that this deal is worth upwards of thousands of dollars a year.
Korean watchers in the west now realize why references to Communism were removed from North Korea’s constitution in 2009. “It simply wouldn’t do to have “Kings” as part of the name of the basketball team of a communist nation,” according to the U.S. State Department.
Dennis Rodman is expected to return to the hermit kingdom later this year.